Posted by
Lord Archaleon on Sunday, April 01, 2007 2:46:59 PM
Good parenting implies perfection, but effective parenting implies results. Today we're going to talk about effective parenting, because I left my perfect brain in my perfect body...somewhere in Honolulu with a perfect supermodel.
Disclaimer
As long as people rely on others to do the thinking, they will be challenged when dealing with situations they haven't been lectured on. Of course, if we don't listen to anyone then we don't learn from others.
So whatever you decide to learn here today, pull it apart until you understand how it works like a scientist.
With that said, let's make fun of the idiots who think they know everything about parenting.
OMG we're parents yay now we got 2 be all adult and stuff
1. "Well my kid is going to say Yes Sir and No Sir or he'll be punished. Too many kids today think they can do whatever they want, well not my kid. I'm going to make sure my child understands the meaning of the word discipline. It's better for him this way, because he'll miss a lot of life opportunities unless he knows how to respect authority."
There are people who earn jobs having authority, and then there is you.
2. "There's too much fighting in the world, and the home should be a peaceful place. Everyone should respect everyone else's opinion. Good manners make a child into a good person. Children always treat others the way their parents treat them. Always pay attention when your child is speaking. If you respect your child, your child will respect you."
You don't respect anyone, liar.
3. "A child who gets beaten turns into a bully."
I wouldn't beat any other kind of child because I wouldn't enjoy it.
4. "You have to ask children where they are going, who they are going out with, and when they're going to be back. Because if you don't, then they are going to get into trouble. Even though some parents object, strict rules don't alienate kids. Even if the kids get cranky, they know your rules mean you care.
Tell your kid you do not want him or her to do drugs. By doing this, you reduce the chance your kid will use drugs now or later in life. That's a good excuse your kid can fall back on if he or she is tempted, because he or she doesn't have a sense of individuality (and those are dangerous, gosh.)"
Punishments should be reasonable to the violation. Children should always be supervised, even after school. So if your kid breaks this rule, a good punishment is loss of TV time :) cuz kids are miserable w/o TV. Haha, we're smart!"
As long as we aren't these DrugFree.org nazis, kids will love us. And you thought this was going to be hard.
5. "Here's how to lie to yourself so you'll be okay with being a nazi instead of a parent. Monitoring your kids isn't because you don't trust them, it's because you care. Ask your child in a condescending tone, 'What are you up~ to~ tomorrow~?' after dinner so your child knows its impossible to earn the slightest amount of your trust no matter how good he or she is. That's easy, isn't it? Parents shouldn't trust children or anyone else for that matter.
Monitoring just gets more and more important as your child becomes susceptible to peer pressure. Why does that happen anyway? Oh well, who cares. Let's just track the little rats until they're old enough to throw out the house, and then we're done with them. We tried."
Kids, if you have turned to drugs to cope with parents like these, I understand. You are doing things you would not normally do because you have been psychologically abused. You might not trust the police to help you. You might not trust anyone. You probably expect things to get worse if you try to get help. In fact, you don't want help because if you have to tell~ people what's wrong, they really don't want to help. So what good are they?
And that's what makes you Daddy's tough kid. You don't expect help, and when people stare you in the face, talking about nonsense you could care less about, you just tell them to shut up. They're stupid. They oughtta shut about themselves and listen to you, or at least look at you when they're talking. You know you're not okay, you're not trying to hide the fact that you aren't okay, and nobody notices.
What kind of liar tells a kid to expect help from a nation that killed 48,000,000 children anyway? A fat liar.
So for the rest of you who don't have horrible families, remember that freedom only comes from justice. Don't expect victims to tell you, "Hi, I am a victim. Please help me." Haven't you rich slobs ever heard of stress? Start listening to more than people's mouths.
Daddy has fruitmeatcakeloaf for all.