Did it ever occur to you television worshippers that you might have to know something other than what's on the TV guide to impress others?

My aunt pretends to be helpless and incompetent every time she wants to get someone to do something for her. It pisses me off to the point I can't even articulate how mad I am. Today, the elderly woman who has never worked decided to question mom as to why she didn't bring her back anything from McDonald's.

Here are a number of responses I could have given.

1.  Why don't you bathe?
2.  Why do you watch TV all day and night?
3.  Why do you leave your dishes in the sink overnight?
4.  No one on earth likes you. Why should I?

The problem with this woman is that she talks back even when she is wrong. Here are what her responses would be.

1.  (ignore me)
2.  Well you play on the computer all day and night.
3.  Why don't you do the dishes? -or- I wash the dishes every night.
4.  Go to H----.

Today, I wrote e-mails to friends, helped bring in groceries, carried grandpa's walker upstairs like I always do and did homework. Last night I played games with kids and gave them prizes. I feel good about myself because I'm a good person, and my aunt is a stinky welfarite because she chooses to be.

My aunt is invested in my family's defeat. My aunt has lived off of others her entire life. If we are incapable of taking care of ourselves, then she gets to say we're no better than she is. If we manage to get out~ of the ghetto, then she has to acknowledge that she is responsible for where she is. Therefore, my aunt has every incentive to undermine my family's pursuit of happiness.

She gives us work to do that she isn't willing to do herself:  take me to my boyfriend's, take me to the library, take me to a restaurant, take me to the laundromat, do my dishes, clean my house, give me attention, fix my television, tell me where you're going, tell me where the family is, bring my boyfriend over, take us here, take us there, turn here, turn there, don't bring your friends over or I'll come out naked (again), open my mayonnaise jar, work the microwave for me, and get ready to go and wait on me.

Now if this was your twelve year old little girl, you wouldn't mind. But my aunt is not twelve, and she doesn't sound cute when she flatters us for obeying her. She sounds like a loser who's excited that some sucker finally gave in to her selfish desires. And that's the only way to get praise out of my aunt. If you don't do what she says, there's something wrong with you because she~ says~ so~.

My aunt does not listen. When you correct her, you get to hear what my aunt thinks of you. My aunt is not the least bit grateful for all the work my mom, my grandmother, my grandfather, or I have done for her. She badmouths us day and night and never ever accepts us being upset at her. We're always wrong, and she's always right.

Can you imagine living with such a person? Can you imagine being so down in the dumps that such a waste of molecules is able to take advantage of your misery long enough to swindle favor after favor from you? Can you imagine feeling abandoned by society to live out your days having them ciphoned from you...from someone who's ruining her own life?

Now imagine getting a decent job that will you can afford to rescue yourself and your mom with. Now imagine your superior behaving just like my aunt but being far more rational and sinister. Imagine that superior ordering you to do something unethical. Now imagine being terminated for blowing the whistle on yourself and absolving that crooked man of responsibility, a favor that only the hardest of people could disregard. Now imagine trying to convince mom not to lose hope again.

I decided to seek help. I joined a bible study group a few weeks ago, and when I told our leaders about my family's situation, the lady suggested we move into HUD housing. I know there are people who need to be told to help themselves, because people like my aunt choose to go down the road to their own ruin. But I can program in two languages, can dress decently, can type 140 wpm, and am in college. I take responsibility for where I am in life and absolve myself of it without remorse in the name of God Almighty.

Society's predators caused my adrenaline problem, a problem 21st century psychology says is a physical injury that cannot be wished away. If you are so convinced that my problem is my own doing, then let's see you refute my abnormal heart rate changes and adrenaline levels. Otherwise, shut your piehole because I'm not in any kind of mood to deal with another apathetic person who doesn't want any friends.

Of course, I realize that this sounds like a big sob story. And since no one is ever sad for a good reason, and since no one's life is ever ruined by others so much that they can't fix it in a nanosecond, there's no reason for you to be concerned about me or mom.

I live, therefore you do not.

You leftists live in paranoia because you don't know who your friends are. Instead of helping those in need, you demonize the victim. I just read the reviews for Rob Zombie's 2007 Halloween, and I have to admit this is the most unoriginal plot ever conceived. First Magneto in X-Men was the trauma survivor who turned psychotic, but now Michael Myers is a victim of childhood abuse too? I know you leftists are paranoid and stupid, and so I have to bring the cause of your paranoia to your attention again and again. If you actually care about victims, you'll know who your friends are because you'll know what criminals are: shameless compassion-exploiting abusers.

And shut up about Bush. President Bush can land an airplane. You can not.

Stupid kids.